CT Blue

Here in the New London area lots of people are wondering why God chose to demolish a beautiful stone church that has graced downtown New London since the middle of the nineteenth century rather than, say, a den of iniquity somewhere. But, as they say, he works in mysterious ways. The incident in New London is nowhere near as mysterious, though, as God’s decision to fleece some of his worshippers in Colorado.

I first learned about this on the Onion, where it seemed too crazy to be true, but would the New York Times lie? Mislead, sure, but not outright lie:

A pastor in Denver who said that God told him to sell cryptocurrency that could not be cashed is facing civil charges, along with his wife, for marketing a digital coin that prosecutors said was “practically worthless” and using the proceeds to support a “lavish lifestyle.”

The pastor, Eligio Regalado, and his wife, Kaitlyn Regalado, were charged on Thursday in a civil complaint filed in Denver District Court by the Colorado Attorney General’s Office, the Colorado Division of Securities said in a statement. The agency said that the couple created, marketed and sold a cryptocurrency that they called INDXcoin through a cryptocurrency exchange, which they also ran.

But you can’t blame the guy for taking the money and running! God told him to, as he explained in a video:

Mr. Regalado said that because of problems with the cryptocurrency exchange, investors could not take their money out.

Mr. Regalado also said in the video that he went into the cryptocurrency business because “the Lord” told him to. He said that God had once come to him a dream and asked him to do so, and he accepted that he and his wife spent the funds in “a home remodel that the Lord told us to do.”

But it turns out that he may have misunderstood what God was telling him, as did the investors who took God’s word:

About nine months ago, Mr. Regalado said, the undertaking “started falling apart,” adding that he didn’t know what he was doing.
“One of two things have happened,” Mr. Regalado said, “One: Either I misheard God and every one of you who prayed and came in, you as well, or two: God is still not done with this project and he’s going to do a new thing.”

So, everyone is at fault for the scam, as his “investors” didn’t quite understand what God was telling them to do. Or, alternatively, God lacks the ability to communicate clearly, which, when you think of it, has been a problem for him, given how often Evangelicals tell us that this or that weather event is God’s way of condemning homosexuals, even when he chooses to inflict the storm on a red state. I mean, who knows, maybe God was sending a message to the church in New London that he didn’t like the way they were feeding those homeless bums instead of collecting money to give to the rich.

But not to worry, the Lord will provide:

Mr. Regalado said that he still hoped that investors could get their money back, and that he believed “God is going to work a miracle in the financial sector.”

By the way, besides the home improvement, he and his wife also pocketed about another million dollars, which I’m sure the Lord has now rendered safe from the prying hands of the law.

Cryptocurrency, in my humble opinion, is pretty much a scam overall, but you have to wonder why anyone would have put their money down in this particular scam. You also have to wonder if there’s a single one of those Regalado fleeced that didn’t vote for Donald Trump. I’m sure they’re all still ripe for picking.

UPDATE: Well, it turns out that God did choose to demolish the church in New London. I had reserved judgment on the “Engaging Heaven” church, which bought the building from the Congregationalists that had owned it previously, since I read that they, at least, fed homeless people, but it turns out that, as you’d expect, they’re a bunch of grifters. The City of New London is footing the bill for the cleanup, because the insurance Engaging Heaven was supposed to have (it was required by their mortgage) doesn’t appear to exist. But have no fear, according to their grifter minister, who claims to work miracles (don’t they all?):

Meanwhile, Engaging Heaven is fundraising, which the church does a lot of, off the disaster.
A slick video with soaring music on a gofundme page from Engaging Heaven suggests the church collapse was God’s work.
“What if he wants to use this collapse to showcase the rebuilding of the church in our day like never before,” the video narrator says.